Navigating Communication Challenges Between Neurodivergent anD Neurotypical Individuals

Miscommunication, misunderstanding, frustration, and missed connection can be a common occurrence when neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals communicate. These challenges arise from differences in communication preferences, the double empathy problem, and distinct cultural norms within neurodivergent and neurotypical communities. Understanding these factors can be important for both neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals to develop an understanding of how others may communicate.

Communication Preferences and Their Impact

One of the most visible challenges in neurodivergent and neurotypical interactions is the difference in communication preferences. Neurodivergent individuals may prefer written communication over verbal, or vice versa, depending on their sensory sensitivities, processing speed, or comfort levels.

• Written vs Verbal Communication

Some neurodivergent people find written communication clearer because it allows time to process information, formulate responses, and avoid the pressure of immediate replies. For example, an autistic person might prefer emails or text messages to phone calls or face-to-face conversations. On the other hand, many neurotypical individuals rely heavily on verbal cues and spontaneous dialogue, which can feel more natural to them.

• Directness and Literal Language

Neurodivergent individuals often use direct and literal language, which can clash with neurotypical tendencies toward indirectness, idioms, or implied meanings. This difference can cause confusion or the perception of rudeness when none is intended.

• Sensory Sensitivities Affecting Communication

Sensory overload from noisy environments or bright lights can make verbal communication difficult for some neurodivergent people. This can lead to withdrawal or difficulty focusing during conversations, which neurotypical individuals might misinterpret as disinterest or inattentiveness.

Understanding and respecting these preferences can reduce tension. For example, agreeing on communication methods ahead of time or allowing written follow-ups after verbal discussions can bridge gaps.

The Double Empathy Problem

The double empathy problem describes the mutual difficulty neurodivergent and neurotypical people have in understanding each other's perspectives. It challenges the outdated idea that only neurodivergent individuals struggle to communicate effectively.

• Mutual Misunderstanding

Both groups experience challenges interpreting social cues, emotional expressions, and conversational norms of the other. For instance, a neurodivergent person might not pick up on subtle social hints, while a neurotypical person might misread straightforward communication as blunt or insensitive.

• Empathy as a Two-Way Street

Recognising that empathy requires effort from both sides encourages patience and curiosity. Instead of assuming one party is at fault, both can work toward clearer communication by asking questions and clarifying intentions.

• Practical Example

Imagine a neurodivergent employee who prefers clear, written instructions and a neurotypical manager who uses casual verbal check-ins. Both might feel frustrated until they discuss and adjust their communication styles to meet halfway.

The double empathy problem highlights the need for mutual respect and adaptation rather than expecting one group to conform entirely to the other's norms.

Cultural Differences Between Neurodivergent and Neurotypical Communities

Neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals often belong to different social cultures with distinct values, behaviours, and communication styles.

• Social Norms and Expectations

Neurotypical culture often values small talk, eye contact, and reading between the lines. Neurodivergent culture may prioritise honesty, routine, and directness. These differences can lead to misunderstandings, such as perceiving neurodivergent honesty as bluntness or neurotypical small talk as superficial.

• Community and Identity

Many neurodivergent individuals identify strongly with their neurodivergent community, which can have its own language, humour, and social norms. Neurotypical individuals may not be familiar with these, leading to a sense of exclusion or misinterpretation.

• Navigating Social Spaces

For example, a neurodivergent person might find a typical social gathering overwhelming and prefer smaller, quieter settings. Neurotypical friends might misinterpret this preference as antisocial behaviour rather than a sensory or social need.

Appreciating these cultural differences helps create inclusive environments where both neurodivergent and neurotypical people feel valued and understood.

Strategies for Improving Communication

Building better communication between neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals requires intentional effort and practical strategies. However, higher masking individuals may not always be fully aware of their communication needs or may not feel confident to advocate for them. Learning to unmask, and being accepted through this, is essential for improved communication between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals.

• Ask and Respect Preferences

Start conversations by asking how the other person prefers to communicate. Respect their choice of medium, pace, and style.

• Use Clear and Concrete Language

Avoid idioms, sarcasm, or vague expressions when clarity is important. This helps prevent misunderstandings.

• Allow Processing Time

Give space for thoughtful responses, especially in verbal conversations. Avoid pressuring immediate answers.

• Check for Understanding

Summarise key points or ask clarifying questions to ensure both parties are on the same page.

• Create Comfortable Environments

Minimise sensory distractions during conversations. Choose quiet, sensory-friendly spaces when possible.

• Be Patient and Open-Minded

Recognise that communication differences are not deficits but variations. Approach interactions with curiosity rather than judgment.